This one was easy. Here’s Shylock’s famous “Hath not a Jew eyes?” speech, rewritten to contrast not Jews and Christians (actually, Shakespeare was specifically criticizing Venetian society and its interpretation of Christianity), but to contrast conservatives and leftists. Shylock in saying “he” is referring to Antonio, who is the actual Merchant of Venice (Shylock is a moneylender), and all of his complaints against Antonio were amply demonstrated in the play. We will substitute for Antonio the vanishing Biden and his invisible cabal. Enjoy:

Shylock: “He hath disgraced me,… scorned my nation,
thwarted my bargains, cooled my friends, heated mine
enemies; and what’s his reason? I am a conservative. Hath
not a conservative eyes? hath not a conservative hands, organs,
dimensions, senses, affections, passions? fed with
the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject
to the same diseases, healed by the same means,
warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer, as
a Leftist is? If you prick us, do we not bleed?
if you tickle us, do we not laugh? if you poison
us, do we not die? and if you wrong us, shall we not
revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will
resemble you in that. If a conservative wrong a leftist,
what is his humility? Revenge. If a leftist
wrong a conservative, what should his sufferance be by
leftist example? Why, revenge. The villainy you
teach me, I will execute, and it shall go hard but I
will better the instruction.”

Shall we not revenge? Shall we not, at the very least, boycott Coke and Delta? Shall we not disconnect from Twitter? Shall we not cut cable (which sends around $100 billion a year to the leftist entertainment complex) and switch to streaming (which sends far less)? And shall we not find a substitute browser for Google Chrome?

The villainy you teach me….