(We’re mashing up current events with Hamlet, the whole play, and you can start here in the middle or with this post.)

Hamlet, our noble hero, greets Horatio, who is basically a low-information voter; virtuous but not really in the arena. Hamlet is clearly glad to see a friendly face from college:

Hamlet: “I am very glad to see you…
But what in faith make you from Wittenberg?”

Horatio: “A truant disposition, good my lord.”

Hamlet: “I would not hear your enemy say so,
Nor shall you do my ear that violence
To make it truster of your own report
Against yourself. I know you are no truant.
But what is your affair in Elsinore?
We’ll teach you to drink deep ere you depart.”

Horatio: “My lord, I came to see your father’s funeral.”

Without realizing it, Horatio has hit on a sore point. There’s been more than just a death and a change of regime. There has also been a wedding, as all the traitorous republican camp-followers, led by the Queen herself, have shifted over to the new regime.

Hamlet: “I prithee, do not mock me, fellow student,
I think it was to see my mother’s wedding.”

Horatio: “Indeed my lord, it followed hard upon.”

Hamlet: “Thrift, thrift, Horatio! The funeral baked meats
Did coldly furnish forth the marriage tables.
Would I had met my dearest foe in heaven
Or ever I had seen that day, Horatio!”

Horatio is the only character in the play that Hamlet feels free to fully confide in, and here he reveals his mother issues, now that Queen Gertrude has disappointed him by literally getting into bed with his uncle. (‘A means he.)

Hamlet goes on (“‘A” is a casual way to say “he”):

Hamlet: “My father – Methinks I see my father.”

Horatio: “Where, my lord?”

Hamlet: “In my mind’s eye, Horatio.”

Horatio: “I saw him once. ‘A was a goodly king.”

Hamlet: “A was a man, Take him for all in all,
I shall not look upon his like again.”

Horatio: “My lord, I thought I saw him yesternight.”

And with that simple confession, the play’s story is set in motion. Trump, I mean King Hamlet, was dethroned, but not truly defeated, and continues to haunt Denmark, especially its liberals. (Season your admiration means restrain your surprise; these gentlemen refers to the castle guards, who Horatio has brought with him):

Horatio: “Season your admiration for a while
With an attent ear till I may deliver,
Upon the witness of these gentlemen,
This marvel to you.”

Horatio delivers to Hamlet’s attent ear the marvel of what he saw all along the watchtower, and summons the watchmen to attest to it. Hamlet carefully interrogates them. (Armed means wearing battle armor; beaver refers to the section of an armored headpiece that can be raised):

Hamlet: “Armed, you say?”

All: “Armed, my lord.”

Hamlet: “From top to toe?”

All: “My lord, from head to foot.”

Hamlet: “Then saw you not his face?”

Horatio: “O, yes, my lord, he wore his beaver up.”

Hamlet: What looked he, frowningly?”

Horatio: “A countenance more in sorrow than in anger.”

Hamlet: “Pale or red?”

Horatio: “Nay, very pale.”

Hamlet: “And fixed his eyes upon you?”

Horatio: “Most constantly.”

Hamlet: “I would I had been there.”

Horatio: “It would have much amazed you.”

Hamlet: “Very like. Very like…His beard was
Grizzled – no?”

Horatio: “It was, as I have seen it in life,
A sable silvered.”

Hamlet: “I will watch tonight,
Perchance ‘twill walk again.”

Horatio: “I warrant it will.”

Hamlet: “If it assume my noble father’s person,
I’ll speak to it though hell itself should gape
And bid me hold my peace….”

Hamlet arranges to meet Horatio and the watchmen later, and after they exit, he ponders what he has heard:

Hamlet: “My father’s spirit in arms! All is not well,
I doubt some foul play. Would the night were come!
Till then sit still, my soul. Foul deeds will rise,
Though all the earth o’erwhelm them, to men’s eyes.”

Foul deeds will indeed rise, and there aren’t enough Soros-funded district attorneys and see-no-evil federal judges in the world to suppress them forever. Have faith, and I’ll see you tomorrow.

Hope you’re enjoying this mashup of Hamlet and current events. The Blogging Hamlet series starts with this post.